Well. I noticed recently that a LOT of people I know have revived blogging...and by that I do not mean facebook-ing or myspace-ing, I mean like, actually blogging. That is, writing your feelings for others to respond to. While I am just as addicted to the social internet phenomena as the next person, I must confess I enjoy 'genuine' blogging more, because [in most cases] it gets me into people's heads. I get to read their thoughts, feelings, responses, perceptions...their streams of consciousness. And I like that. I like people, and I like getting to know people, so it makes sense. Of course, while this all technically has the ability to be a one-way street, I realize that for me to interact with and respond to people (and therefore not be so stalker-ish) I must revive my own blogging as well...so here goes.

First of all, I would just like to say that I am totally embarrassed by my old posts. I annoy myself, A LOT, if that is even possible. I am so thankful to the Lord that He has matured me and taught me and just...brought me from the place and person that I used to be. Arrogance and ignorance--as I [ironically enough] vented about on this same blog derogatorily about someone else--is NOT a good combination. It's an embarrassing combination...embarrassing for everyone else then, and for you later.

I even, when reading back over everything I had written, had a quick but aggressive urge to delete all of the more juvenile updates (i.e., all but like one of them). However, I think that is a bad idea, mainly because I am a firm believer in not hiding anything about yourself from people, including sin. Not because I am ok with sin, or because I take sin lightly; rather, I believe very much that hiding sin is counterproductive for all believers. It is lying about your real self, your depraved self. Which, if you think about it, makes no sense, because if we read Scripture, we know (or should know) that we are all miserable and filthy enemies of God by nature. So, for us to "put on a good show" is really rather ridiculous, because we should all know immediately it's fake...a facade. Once again, I'm not promoting sin, but I think that we should be compelled to share our burdens with one another in Christ. And that means, at least in my mind, that the fact that I mess up on a daily basis shouldn't be kept from my friends, my coworkers, my family, my church family, or my pastor. I desire for others to keep me accountable, because there is a standard of holiness that I am commanded to, as a follower of Jesus...and accountability is necessary for my sanctification, as well as my fellowship, communion, and functioning within the Body.

I mean, what good does hiding your sin do? Really. What? You sin, you pretend you don't sin, then it finally comes out that you DO sin (and it always does), so then you have to confess that it was all a big guise to begin with and start a more difficult (and, often, shameful) path of repentance, renewed fellowship, and self actualization. Thing is, though, that just manning up and saying, "yeah, I am rotten" all the time is hard. More than hard. Miserable, at least in my experience. But that is only for a time...a brief time. Because the misery does not originate in Christ, but in others...liberation comes from Christ. Liberation in the fact that you don't NOT sin, but that you DO sin, and that you are still part of the Beloved. How wonderful! As Derek Webb said (so much more eloquently) in his paraphrase of John Newton... "If your sin is great, your Savior will be great." The hard part is getting around the small-mindedness, flesh, logic, and...well, humanity, of everyone. I feel like, though, that I owe it, out of love for my brothers and sisters, not to lie about who I really am. Transparency is loving the church. That's how I see it.

Now, I know that this can sound pretty sketchy. But, anyone who knows me well knows that I do not tolerate, accept, encourage, etc. etc. sin. I am not about abusing liberty. Sin is sin, is sin...we are defiled, wretched, despicable...and we have a command to holiness, to progression, to accountability...and true believers, according to Scripture, will be evidenced by these attributes. Don't tell me that you can sin and not repent because of Christ's sacrifice. Yes, our (believers') sins are atoned for...but that doesn't negate our responsibility. We have the law, and we are to aggressively pursue the law. We, if nothing else, because of our inferiority to God, are subject to God and His law. And, we believers are to pursue righteousness, period. Unrepentant and/or apathetic sin isn't evidence to me that you're liberated in Christ...quite the contrary. It shows me that you don't take the law of the Lord seriously and that you may not be a believer.

Admission of sin isn't intended to negate effort on our part...but instead, to encourage effort. That person we become around everyone...the nice, moral, respectable person...the effort behind that character shouldn't be temporary, and it shouldn't be centered on anything but Jesus. We should want to be a "good" person out of our love and obedience for Christ, not for ourselves-- because it looks good on us, or for morality sake, or...anything. Anything not motivated by Christ is sinful, even if it is 'good'.

I don't even know if this is all making sense. I guess I am just rambling now....one of the main reasons I have never been that consistent with stuff like this is that I don't think I make very much sense when I just write down my thought processes. But, I figure, there might be someone out there that might be interested and/or benefit from it in some way, and (on a more selfish note) writing is somewhat of a release for me.

To make a long story short...the fact that I am selfish, discontent, proud, sarcastic, defiant, and a number of other things every single day of my life isn't something that I hold back. For that very reason, my wonderful brothers and sisters in the Lord are able to see what I need encouragement and accountability for, confront me as needed, and continue to engage in fellowship and sanctification with me. And I like that. I don't have it all figured out...durr. But that is just something the Lord has shown me in the last little bit, and I really am so thankful for it.